MIRACLE

Nesrin wanted a miracle in her life. She wished for something to happen that would solve all the problems she couldn’t figure out — once and for all. Let them all disappear from her life and never return. Everyone had common problems, of course. But while some people could get out of difficult situations quickly, others drowned in them. And Nesrin was one of those; she felt worn out from constantly fighting her problems.

Nesrin had married into a crowded household. She was also her mother-in-law’s first daughter-in-law, so it was a new adjustment period for everyone. In the early years, cooking, cleaning the house, and going to the market felt enjoyable to her. But as time passed, she began to feel that the entire burden of the house had fallen on her shoulders. She worked all day and came home tired, only to continue with housework.

In the third year of their marriage, the doctor gave her the good news that she would become a mother. Murat was also very excited to become a father. But Nesrin was getting more anxious day by day. After work, she would go to the market to buy whatever the house needed before going home. It felt as if her arms had grown longer from carrying bags. Her husband’s relaxed attitude had started to bother her.

She and her best friend Gülşen were walking home after work, talking as they went.

“How can he be so relaxed? Doesn’t he see how exhausted I am? Sometimes I feel like I’ve reached my limit, Gülşen.”

“My dear friend, you took on everything at the beginning because you loved Murat so much. You even did the things he should have been responsible for. Naturally, the more you did, the less there was left for him to take responsibility for.”

“So what should I do? How do I give him responsibility?”

“Look, a really good idea just came to me. Our friend Şule invited me to a seminar recently. I took some notes there, and what they explained made so much sense.”

‘The one who pays a price values what they pay for.’

“What do you mean?”

“You can make Murat pay a price for you and the house as well.”

“I can’t think of anything right now. I just want to sit and cry.”

“Fine, cry and let it out; maybe you’ll feel better. Then think about it again. You don’t need to exaggerate it in your mind. We can’t change anyone, but we can help them improve by giving them their own responsibilities. You can start with a very small step. For example, every morning you can ask him to take out the trash. And in the evening, you can ask him to pick up necessities like bread, salt, potatoes, etc., on his way home. This way, he’ll slowly start warming up to his responsibilities.”

“Will this problem really be solved by carrying out the trash or buying potatoes?”

“I wrote a sentence in my notebook: ‘Nothing breaks all of a sudden, and nothing is fixed all of a sudden. Human beings are creatures that break slowly and heal slowly.’”

“You’re right… I guess we want quick results because we’re impatient.”

“Go home today, rest well, enjoy your pregnancy a little. This process is an opportunity for your husband to support you.”

“Let’s hope so. I guess I have to start somewhere.”

“Don’t look for the solution far away. Wherever the problem is, the solution is there.”

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Experiential Design Teaching is a knowledge community that produces strategies for designing our future based on past experiences.

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Yahya Hamurcu