Awareness

                                                                            

                                                                                 

Lale had left early again and returned late. She looked at the yellowed leaves scattered across the garden. She realized she hadn't cleaned it in a long time. Yet, she enjoyed walking on these rustling leaves. Step by step, she continued walking towards home.

 

She entered and greeted everyone. She found her father, as usual, reading the newspaper in his chair. Erol Bey acknowledged her greeting without lifting his head.

 

Erol Bey hadn't been talking to Lale for a long time. Whenever she arrived late, she felt he couldn't assert himself and that his authority was weakening.

 

In a reproachful tone, Erol Bey said, 'How much longer will this go on?' Lale, not thinking she had done anything wrong, replied, 'What harm does it have?'

 

Working, producing, and serving were sacred to Lale because, to her, how could that be bad? Yet, she was forgetting how quickly time, even her life, was passing. She wasn't even aware of neglecting her family and loved ones. That's why she couldn't understand her father's reproach.

 

Lale had grown up as a weak character in the shadow of a dominant father. Her primary and middle school years had passed like this, until she entered the workforce... The confidence she carried came from the achievements she believed she had accomplished.

 

Wasn't this what her father wanted? 

Didn't he continuously mutter about her weakness in facing life and act as if she wasn't enough? Hadn't he left all the workload to her, knowing she was weak? 'Sink or swim, the decision is yours,' hadn't he said?

 

He had said so, but Lale also knew that when things went wrong, she would find her father in front of her... That's exactly why Lale had to work. She had to prove herself to Erol Bey and avoid constant criticism. But the situation had started to exceed what was thought. Lale couldn't see this; she had overdone her work. The thrill of succeeding and the power that followed pleased her.

 

Lale tried to keep up with everything and everyone, yet she always fell short.

 

She bid her father good night and headed to the bathroom. After washing her face, she sighed deeply. Retreating to her room, she began to ponder. Perhaps her father was right...

 

She should heed her father's reproach. Throughout her life, Lale loved to help. She tried to be there for her friends and family both emotionally and physically. She had values, but as work intensified, she began to overlook them. Maybe this warning was the result of that.

 

She thought deeply in her room, gazing at the cityscape... 'Yes... How long will I continue like this?' she said.

 

Trying to take on her father's workload because she thought he was tired, she was missing out on so much. She hadn't been there when her grandmother fell. She was very old; maybe she had only a few days left. She realized she hadn't called her for almost two weeks... And she had missed her nephew's graduation, her first pride...

 

And she remembered many more incidents. They all flashed before her eyes.

She realized she had missed important moments she couldn't add to her memories.

Because she had gone extreme in everything she started with good intentions and deemed beneficial and started to have problems in her life.

 

She averted her eyes from the yellowed leaves she watched through the window and approached her father: 'I've thought about it, and I think you're right, dad... Thank you for reminding me...'

 

And amidst her father's astonished looks, she returned to her room. Intent on making new decisions for the new day and tempering her excesses, she drifted off to sleep peacefully...