I am Waiting For You

                                    

- Teacher, it can't go like this, can it? He doesn't study at all. He neither has a goal nor sits down for a lesson! I can’t take the phone and the tablet away.

- I looked at Fatih's schedule, Ms. Zeynep. I gave him a study program and he didn't do that either.

- Oh teacher, oh...

Zeynep hung up the phone. She sighed deeply. How was she going to tell this to her brother? “There are always fights these days”, she thought. “Anyway, there's nothing to do,” she said. She had become like Fatih's mother since they lost their parents.

Fatih asked permission from his sister yesterday too. A friend of his was leaving school. Fatih also wanted to go so that they could spend time together. They had made a plan to watch a movie at night.

Fatih said that he studies for 4-5 hours during the day. Zeynep actually knew that her brother was not working that hard. But she didn't want to fight either. Let do whatever he wants, she thought. On the other hand, she was saying, "No, I shouldn't allow it." She couldn't stand it again and said:

- Anyway, I'll let you this once. But study for at least three hours and then go!

Fatih studied for half an hour and went to his friends. Of course, after the fight and noise at home. Zeynep thought about what happened.

- Well, this kid hasn't been studying properly for 6 months. How did I let this happen knowingly?

She regretted it. “I should have given this permission when he studied regularly”, he thought. Fatih came early in the morning. He was acting aggressively. Zeynep realized that she had made a mistake once again. Fatih had not slept all night. He fell asleep as soon as he arrived at 7 in the morning. Worse, there was a strong smell of cigarette smoke.

How would she react now? The age difference between her and his brother was quite large. That's why she took care of it herself most of the time. She loved him very much.“We have given everything”, she thought. "Maybe what we did was too much," she said. “It had made him ungrateful.” Now who was the reason for all this?

“Oh,” she said then. What’s happening in Palestine came to her mind. The children were small, but the work they did were huge. A little boy appeared before her eyes. He climbed on a chair bigger than himself to prevent the roof of his tent from flying off. He was trying to hold on to one side of the tent, which was blown away by the wind. Which life would be more fruitful now? What awaited each of them in the future?

Non-existence and existence. They are both together in this world. Death and life are one. Sometimes people feel absence in existence. It's like her heart is being ripped out. “Now”, she thought, “how will I catch up with all these young people when I can't even catch up with his brother?” On one hand, silence towards the careless death of children. On the other, hearts that stay sleepless at night… How strange. Her thoughts were so different from the person closest to him. Two different thoughts in the same house. People could not intervene. She would do her best and trust in ALLAH.

She very much wanted her brother to be on the side of those sleepless people. She decided to write him a letter. She had an overseas program planned soon. She wanted to give it to him before she left. “The best thing is to write”, she said...

“I feel like my words hit you like a boomerang and come back to me. It's like a waterproof, soundproof wall. It's like a door slamming in my face every time I step into it. I can't change you, the direction is yours, but I can wait. I'm looking for a peak to open on your surface. When I see it, it's like a light trying to get out from within... I will never let go, I will be waiting here every minute. There are many realities I want to tell you. I will tell you about these whenever you want to listen to them. Maybe then we can think together. I will pray hard for you. I'm waiting for you, don't be late..."