Whose Decision?

                           

Nevin was walking along the road with the same question again: 'What more can I do for this child?...' Her elder daughter, Aslı, had not exhausted her, but Nevin couldn't say the same for Ayşen. How could they be such different children from the same parents?

'What am I doing wrong? I treated them equally. Whatever I did for one, I didn't deprive the other. I provided equal opportunities and showed equal interest.

Aslı had always been one of the top achievers in class. She had entered high school and then university with good scores. Now it was Ayşen's turn. She was preparing for the university entrance exam this year. Her mother arranged private lessons for her to secure a place in a good department. She met with coaching centers for practicing exams. Nevin was thinking of everything for Ayşen, rushing her from one private lesson to another, from one exam to the next. Ayşen was now very overwhelmed. She wanted to take a breath, but her mother never left her alone...

Nevin constantly said, 'My daughter will study at a medical faculty, she will become a doctor.'

One day again, she said, 'My sweet daughter; there is little time left here; you should increase the number of the questions to be solved a bit more.' Ayşen reacted suddenly, 'Mom, please don't start again. I hate studying when you do this. You're constantly talking on my behalf, expecting me to work like a robot... Leave me alone!' she exclaimed, making a slightly exceeding remark.

Nevin could only say, 'Sweetie, I'm saying this for your own good, don't you understand me?'

Yes, Nevin was in a competition as well even though the person taking the exam was not herself... She only heard one thing, her mind was focused only on the exam. However, as she spoke about the exam, as she thought on behalf of Ayşen, she was overwhelming her. This situation was causing her to distance herself from her mother.

For a long time, they couldn't talk about anything other than the exam... The conversation always circled back to the same place. Exams and studies...

Nevin was still unaware of how much she was overwhelming her daughter. 'I still have to do something, I have to boost Ayşen's motivation again,' she thought.

But what was the thing she needed to really think about?

What did it mean to want the best for her child?

While saying, ‘I'm thinking about my child's future’, which of the things we did was correct?

Setting goals on behalf of her or deciding what she would do instead of her?

Leaving her in the midst of a race as if life was not going on?

Or showing her “what to do to be successful” or “what not to do to be unsuccessful” and at the end leaving her to make the decision?

People don't get tired of saying the same things for years… “For the sake of my child's well-being". 

They say “Too much of anything is good for nothing”. Then isn't the excess of every word also harmful?"